One of the articles on my website Unique Desert Tour that receives the most views and comments is on the misconceptions people have when they learn that you married an Arab. As individuals share their own tales and experiences in the comments area, I usually simply let it go. Others are excellent, some are not. When I published that article, I didn’t feel the need to restrict myself; instead, people were freely discussing some of the absurd and even offensive misconceptions they had or still have about marrying a Moroccan man.
I consider myself very fortunate that my marriage and my spouse have mainly overcome these preconceptions. My connections with many other women (and Moroccan man) also challenge them. I also know other people whose relationships match the mold.
I’m going to be brutally honest with anybody who is thinking about getting married to a Moroccan guy in this piece. Some of what I discuss goes beyond Morocco, but I’m not really equipped to speak about some of them since I don’t know as much about them.
A family with kids
In essence, they are the two most significant events in Moroccan existence. Additionally, the focus is often the union of two families rather than simply the pair. With the exception of a few, having children is a strong goal shared by both Moroccan man and women who see marriage as a highly significant life milestone.
You should seriously consider how true and honest your spouse is being if he claims he doesn’t want children if you are unable to have children due to health issues or because you are beyond the age of conception. A guy will often claim he doesn’t want children or will remark “whatever Allah wills” to give the impression that he is okay with not having them.
This may sometimes work out and not having children is not a problem, but most of the time it is a big problem and causes marriages to fail. When chatting with immigration authorities, don’t be shocked if this subject comes up since they are well aware that children are a crucial part of marriage for Moroccan males.
Your relationship will be influenced in some way by your spouse’s financial and educational situation.
If your spouse has had the opportunity to go outside the nation, they probably have a very different perspective on the world than someone who hasn’t. If they have a better degree, they will also have a new perspective and more options. They will want to leave Morocco if there are no opportunities for them there.
If there is no other foundation for the connection, avoid being the escape route.
Every relationship has a socioeconomic component, and when you add cultural and potentially religious diversity to it, YOU WILL FACE PROBLEMS. The majority of Moroccans have few opportunities to go outside of their country, hence they often have less basic information about living elsewhere. It’s a crash lesson in immigration.
Even Moroccans with advanced degrees may have trouble finding employment there. If your spouse has a degree that would qualify them for a high-paying position overseas, they will likely have to start from scratch once they arrive. Many overseas degrees have limited or no transferability.
The realization that your spouse may have to start over, accept a very basic job, or even that they may not be able to work for a while when they first move in together can cause major problems. Not to mention that you could be the one who handles finances for a while. A relationship may be severely strained as a result.
Morocco’s position in the world
We visited a town in the heart of the Atlas Mountains a few weeks ago. We passed through a number of little settlements, some of which brought up memories of talks I’ve had with Moroccan women who were “dating” males. The difference between rural and urban Morocco impressed me.
“Can you image how difficult it would be to go from living here to life in Marrakech, then think what it would be like to live here your whole life and hop on a plane to the US?” I asked MarocBaba.
I would categorically refuse if someone told me that after getting married, I would have to live in a Moroccan village. There, a man’s life is HARD. In rural Morocco, women’s lives are REALLY HARD. There is a distinct subset of cultural duties and norms.
It is important to take into account and not downplay your partner’s background, upbringing, and daily reality.
Don’t alter who you are to fit a “ideal”
Moroccan man often beg their spouses to make changes so that something would be “better.” Be prepared to defend yourself if your spouse asks you this. Some would argue that this is done in an effort to “assist.” No, this is being done to exert control.
Someone should be willing to accept you for who you are if they genuinely love you for who you are. If he is unable to, leave. Don’t expect his view to alter over time; in fact, it probably won’t improve at all.
Seriously, go on.
In Morocco, there is a belief that jealousy is a sign of love. Moroccan man often feels envious of any attention their wife or fiancée may get. While it’s not always a terrible thing for your spouse to feel this way, it might make for a bumpy journey. You must pay attention, and if the issue spirals out of hand, take a step back and evaluate it again. What first seems to be caring and pleasant may swiftly turn into control.
Even though it may look awful, this was not supposed to be. These situations will be internalized differently by each individual. However, if you feel that I am being unkind, allow me to also provide the opposite viewpoint.
Continuity and Commitment
The amount of devotion and commitment both Moroccan man and women have to their families is a quality I’ve repeatedly seen in Moroccan culture at every level. This, in my opinion, is pretty noble and is rapidly disappearing from western civilization.
A Moroccan guy will unquestionably be devoted to and loyal to his birth family. The endless power of the Moroccan family structure will extend to your new family, despite the fact that you may see that as a betrayal of your marriage and that it takes time to understand how family dynamics operate in this country. Just be aware that if you are married, your spouse may not immediately put his commitment to his family behind him. It won’t occur.
Standard Gender Roles
Even though they are gradually being abandoned by younger generations, traditional gender roles are still very much present in Morocco. Although it may offend western sensibilities, this is really not all bad. Men in Morocco take pleasure in supporting their families.
Muslim males must also take care of their families financial needs. Even if the woman works outside the house, the earnings are entirely hers; they are not required to support the family.
I’ve also seen that, despite how they may come out as stereotypically “macho” males from the outside, men may be very different inside. As more women work outside the house, I observe an increase in the number of males taking care of their kids, cooking meals, and doing other everyday activities.
Why are these established positions advantageous? Every situation is unique, but there is something to be said for a spouse who wants to take the lead and provide financially for his family. It’s ideal to achieve a harmonious balance between the two.
The majority of Moroccans I know, both sexes, practice “live and let live” when it comes to religion. Even though they may be devoted, they don’t demand that their friends, neighbors or loved ones follow suit. There is no animosity between them, yet they could provide encouragement or assistance if requested. Many individuals have informed me that throughout the course of their marriage, their partner gets increasingly religious.
There are several studies that demonstrate this is a common tendency as individuals become older and is not only exclusive to Islam or Moroccans. A spouse who is firmly rooted in their beliefs may have a profoundly good impact on a relationship.
Coupled with the traditional Moroccan mentality, you may anticipate that your partner won’t put any pressure on you to perform. It should be noted that Moroccan males are permitted to wed Christian and Jewish women and are urged to support their freedom to follow their religion.
A cross-cultural and maybe interreligious marriage is a major endeavor that has to be carefully considered. It is true that there is a lot of fraud with Moroccan males marrying foreign women, therefore it is best to proceed cautiously.
Nevertheless, there are many real, remarkable, and great Moroccan guys who make excellent spouses and dads. My last piece of advise is to take your time and get to know someone rather than being misled by promises of love and dedication. Before plunging in, consider all the possibilities.
As I often get inquiries concerning varied relationship advice, assistance in locating marriage partners, and whether or not I believe a relationship is genuine, I have disabled comments on this page. I really hope you can appreciate that I am unable to respond to these inquiries or provide matching services.
More information and assistance for those who are in or thinking about a long-term relationship with a partner from a different culture has been requested from me. In order to assist you through the warning signs, self-examination questions, and partner-related talks, I produced this digital handbook. I’m hoping that using this tool will enable you to examine your own circumstances without seeking outside advice.
They damage people there the most emotionally, physically, and sometimes financially. I wanted to share our experiences with you in order to hopefully help you avoid some issues and open your eyes or ears. I have my own love story as a foreigner with a Moroccan man, have worked in tourism and witnessed many love encounters between guides and tourists, have girlfriends who are married, in relationships with Moroccans, boyfriends who are married to Moroccan women, girlfriends and boyfriends who are separated or divorced, and have heard many love or “love” stories of couples between a Moroccan and a foreigner. The most common love tales in this page will be those between a foreign lady and a Moroccan guy, but if you’re a foreign man in a scenario similar to that, some of the information presented may also be relevant to you.
I’ll concentrate on love tales with Moroccan guys who were born and bred in Morocco as this is a tourist website. A Moroccan who has really lived abroad and assimilated into society differs greatly from one who has never left Morocco, has only done so for travel or “bubble” immigration (i.e. living and working among Moroccans).
The start of my relationship with a Moroccan guy
These love tales with Moroccan man often have two potential beginnings. We can’t dispute it, Moroccan men are skilled seducers; they know how to conquer a female. The first alternative is when a woman goes to Morocco (especially alone trip or travel with other girlfriends) and she meets a Moroccan guy who seduces her with his charisma. The nation’s exotism draws women as well.
The online meeting is the other option. Let’s face it, many Moroccans are working hard on social media to figure out how to exit the country. The secret is to wed a foreign lady. They try their hardest to win someone over, and it nearly becomes an obsession for them.
The tale of my romance with a Moroccan guy
In my experience, there are some mixed marriages that last for a long time and are honest partnerships without ulterior motives. However, I estimate that around 90% of tales will conclude negatively (specially for the woman). Continue reading if you now have one of these relationships and believe that you are one of the 10% of people who are fortunate enough to discover a genuine Moroccan guy; it could open your eyes or at the at least help you be ready by setting your alert in case anything “not so clean” occurs.
Let’s examine how relationships function in Islamic civilizations.
Islam and societal pressure both have laws governing how Moroccan man and women should interact.
- There aren’t any extramarital affairs; in fact, the law forbids them.
- If one is not planning to get married, do not introduce a boyfriend or girlfriend to the family (quickly)
- The guy is responsible for providing for his wife and his household; there is no financial “sharing” and the lady keeps all of the money she makes.
- A woman’s responsibility is to have children, raise them, and, if she so chooses, ultimately take care of her home (if not, the Moroccan man must pay her a housekeeper)
- Divorced women are “second-hand” women, and it is their responsibility if they get divorced (she did not take care of her husband well enough, she did not give him children)
- A man is entitled to several wives.
Man owes his parents and other senior citizens respect
Non-Muslims are sent to hell
And whatever he may say to you, it is a product of his culture, his “software,” and it reflects the expectations he has for his marriage, whether he is aware of them or not. What do other people, beginning with his respect-deserving parents, expect from you?
The red flags in a mixed relationship with a Moroccan Man to watch out for
From this point on, many things need to warn you. Either your Moroccan partner isn’t being serious, or he or she isn’t fully understanding what they are saying. Other indications show that he does not value you. It is concerning for the future in a culture where respect is paramount and a woman’s “dishonor” affects her spouse.
At first sight, love
As soon as I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the love of my life.
and what follows? How often does love at first sight really occur in real life? Beigbeder’s assertion that love lasts for three years is accurate since love, at first sight, is a fleeting emotion. What will happen next?
He has no desire to wed you.
It is at least obvious. You are only a means of amusement and gain. You could be okay with it, but be honest about it.
He wants to wed you “today.”
Given the limitations on extramarital sex (#1), this is rather typical. And a strong indication of his sincerity. We only need to be aware that, under these circumstances, marriage does not have the same emotive weight as a lifelong commitment as it may for us. Nothing more than the “right to make love lawfully and without sin” may be the basis of marriage. Getting a divorce in this kind of marriage is also quite simple. According to Michèle Kasriel in her book on the At Hadiddou, some tribes have even institutionalized it by eradicating the Imilchil mythology.
They break rule 3 whether they are minor (a phone card), big (paying for the hotel where we meet), or more significant. If a Moroccan guy really loves you, he won’t ask you for cash. And there is no better way to test his love than to deny him if he does ask you for money. He’ll hold you in higher regard. And you’ll be able to tell immediately away if he doesn’t like you.
In the long term, if you make the most money for the family, he will feel wounded about his masculinity.
One thing I’ve seen often is when the Moroccan man and/or his family take advantage of you while being helpful. Imagine, for instance, that you want to rent a house or a vehicle in Morocco. They offer to assist you and locate the house, automobile, or other anything you need. The key is that they will charge you more than the actual cost so they may get a commission for the “assistance.” Therefore, if you want to purchase anything in Morocco, you are interested in discovering the true local rates. You appreciate his assistance during negotiations, but make sure all parties are being honest.
He is obviously considerably younger than you.
Yes, the majority of Moroccan man don’t wed someone who is older than they are. When they do, the age gap shouldn’t be apparent. You can be certain that the criticism of you will be a thousand times harsher after seeing the criticism of the Macron marriage. Additionally, it will be an issue if you are too elderly to have children.
Another thing I’ve seen often is young Moroccan men who lie about their age, claiming you they are older than they really are. They would even admit that their father registered him for the service soon after his birth. For Moroccan males over 40, this may be genuine, but if he’s younger, it’s quite likely a lie.
He’s always wanted to wed a French lady.
a Western lady, a French woman, a European woman
It might be the case. However, it implies that, prior to becoming a woman he loves, you are a dream he is attempting to realize (and you are definitely not the only…).
This topic merits a highly in-depth debate in order to comprehend the “why” and jointly consider the viability of his theories.
By the way, some of the arguments could be quite genuine. The fact that my spouse was divorced and had a son was one of the factors in his desire to wed a European lady. He believed Moroccan ladies made poorer mothers-in-law than European ones (who are often married with children from a first marriage). There was merit in this.
Other motives are more hazardous to the survival of your relationship: he has blonde fantasies, he believes that European women are more emancipated and won’t annoy him as much as Moroccan women, or he just finds them more seductive.
He has no desire to have children.
Alternatively, he may just say that it doesn’t matter to him.
Even if he truly means it when he says it, in the 16 years I’ve lived in Morocco, I haven’t met a single Moroccan man who is content with not having children. This is because of the pressure from society and parents (see point 7), as well as his biological clock, which will cause him to panic if he doesn’t have children by the time he’s in his 40s.
Moroccans can possibly only be sensitive with little toddlers in public.
Don’t think that adoption will make up for it either.
In any case, he is really letting you know that he is not interested in a committed relationship when he says this.
He lives in a village.
Or in a working-class neighborhood in a large metropolis, or out in the country.
Simply put, you will experience considerably more “conventional” social pressure as a result. You could like this life, or you might not. In my experience, it may be rather challenging. If you truly need him to move, will he be able to do it? Will he become more alone and distant from his family and parents? Will his parents have a favorable opinion of him?
There isn’t a truly common language among you.
The majority of Moroccans, particularly those who work in tourism, rapidly pick up a few terms that are relevant to their line of work. It takes a while to go from there to “speaking a language.” When neither partner has a common language that they both have a sufficient command of, basic talks in a partnership are challenging.
Before moving to Morocco, I had a relationship where English was our “best” language of commonality despite neither of us speaking it as our mother tongue. Even if our cultural parallels were near, it was challenging.
Even if emotion and the emotional load already have a tendency to reduce our ability to communicate and comprehend in our own tongue, their impact is magnified when speaking a foreign language.
All mixed-race couples can agree on this. But in a nation where cultural disparities are so significant, it is even more crucial.
He quit school early
Unfortunately, it is more challenging to grasp another person’s culture the lower one’s educational level. This requires letting go of one’s cultural assumptions and seeing them for what they are.
This is not simple for anybody.
It is only essential to take into account the fact that someone who has recently received their baccalaureate has a level of education more akin to a brevet due to the shortcomings of Moroccan public education. Ask yourself whether you would contemplate this connection with a fellow citizen, taking the romance out of the equation.
Everything relies on you and what you want from a partner. Do not, however, think that you will transform into a “teacher” and impart all of your knowledge to him. That’s not the same as being a wife.
Even if you are “technically” Christian or Jewish and do not want to convert to Islam, you may still marry a Muslim if you so want. This is because no one will care about your true religious beliefs.
Everyone will constantly urge you to convert, both for your own good (to avoid hell, see number 8) and for the good of the person who converts you and gains a place in paradise. Because your husband is Muslim, your children will also be Muslim, circumcised for the boys, subject to Muslim religious law in Morocco, and receive a religious education that isn’t always progressive (to put it mildly), and if you divorce, you won’t have a voice in this because you are not Muslim.
Undoubtedly, one may experience joyful love tales.
Don’t force me to utter something that I didn’t write. There are also happy mixed couples that stay together just as long as a “non mixed” pair, if not longer.
Because each one develops differently, some couples do eventually end up divorcing.
A mixed-race couple faces greater challenges as well as wonderful adventures that enhance each other’s cultures. To tackle them, you only need to be an authentic pair.
How are you doing? What do you believe of it? Have you wed a Moroccan man after “taking the plunge”? Have any of my 11 red flags had an impact on you? What changed along the way?
Please feel free to remark about your experience.